WWP Presents: The Heir of Slytherin
by evansentranced
Summary: "Heir of Slytherin! Seriously evil wizard coming through!" "Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant!" Watch as Harry is stalked by Fred and George, film makers Extraordinaire. Crack!fic
1. The Movie

_Title: WWP Presents: The Heir of Slytherin_

_Author name: Evansentranced_

_Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended._

_

* * *

_"I think you guys are really going to like our documentary," George said, sitting down next to Harry, Ron and Hermione. "Cockroach Cluster?" He offered them the bag he was holding. 

"No thanks," Harry responded, glancing at it uneasily.

"So, does this have anything to do with you two following Harry around in monster costumes last week?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"No! Of course not!" Fred cried as Harry stifled a grin.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" George exclaimed, looking deeply hurt.

"Hmm, maybe that first year Ravenclaw following you around with a camera?" Hermione pitched in, looking smug.

"Hey! Leave Dad's magic camcorders out of this!" Fred retorted, looking injured.

"Bloody hell, just watch the film, we got a lot of gold out of this," George interrupted, jingling his cash box.

"Well, you did call it the 'Heir of Slytherin' Ron pointed out. "So what exactly is your theory in that respect?"

"You'll see, lil' bro, you'll see," George said with a grin. "Now shush! The movie's starting!"

The Hall fell into excited whispers as a screen rose up from the floor.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**_"Hullo!" said a loud voice. Fred walked onscreen dressed in safari clothes. "Today we are following the ever elusive Heir of Slytherin! This species is quite rare, but if we're careful, we might get a good look at 'im."_**

**_The screen switched to a sudden close-up of Harry, looking elusive and shifty._**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Hey!" Ron and Hermione cried out indignantly. Beyond them, the crowd filled with whispers.

"Shush children, just watch," George said, his eyes glued to the screen. Harry smirked behind him.

_0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0_

**_"As we follow the Heir on his daily routine, we see he is a rather neat species."_**

**_Harry stands in front of a mirror, brushing his teeth while attempting to brush his hair. A later scene shows him standing in the shower. In the background, music plays 'His eyes are green as a fresh pickled toad.'_**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

In the back of the Hall, Draco Malfoy had fallen off his seat, guffawing. Several girls were giggling loudly and demanding to see that again. None of this could be heard over Harry's cries of "Where did you get that footage?" "Stalkers!" and "You guys are creepy! Why were you in there anyway!" Someone finally silenced him, and the movie went on...

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"**_The Heir appears to be great friends with his monster, and it follows him everywhere."_**

**_Fred and George lead Harry down a corridor announcing, "Heir of Slytherin! Seriously evil wizard coming through!"_**

**_"Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant!"_**

**_A gigantic, furry monster with dripping fangs waited at the end of the hall, and offered Harry his arm. Everyone stared at Harry, who was looking very confused._**

**_"We've found an expert, Loony- erm- Luna Lovegood, who can tell us exactly what these creatures are. Luna?"_**

**_Luna Lovegood stood next to Fred, looking dreamy, wearing a safari hat as well as an odd sort of poncho._**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"What in the world-?" Hermione asked bemusedly as Ginny burst into suppressed giggles.

No one else was attempting to stifle their laughter, however. The entire Hall was in stitches. There were yells of "What is that girl wearing?" or "Loony! How come we never thought of that? Suits her perfectly!"

The girl in question, who sat quietly a few rows behind the group, seemingly oblivious to the noise of the crowd, was looking up at the screen vaguely.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**_"Frederick," she replied._**

**_"Erm, What do you think the Heirs' monster is? Do you, er, have any theories?" he prompted, glancing down at her._**

**_"Oh, of course." she said, "After studying the creature, I have come to the conclusion that it is an Umgubular Slashkilter. This is a very exciting moment." She looked only faintly interested._**

**_"The Slashkilter has only been seen from behind before now, Frederick. We have a wonderful opportunity here! I am going to try and capture the creature, as well as the Heir, and conduct extensive research."_**

**_"Er, are you sure Luna? We just kind of wanted to, uh, follow it around."_**

**_"Oh no!" she said, finally looking affected. "We must capture the creatures!"_**

**_Fred was growing more and more uneasy, even alarmed._**

**_"Don't you worry about a thing, Frederick! I will gather volunteers and we will capture that Umgubular Slashkilter!" She looked quite mad now, her eyes bulging wildly to Fred's alarm, as he was now backing slowly away._**

**_"Er, never mind, don't worry about it."_**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"You know," Fred whispered conspiratorially, glancing over at Luna, "she actually caught Lee once."

Ron choked on the flavor bean he'd been eating.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, we were messing around, waiting for Harry to come out of class, and she snuck up on us and used this odd spell on him. Caught him in a net and took off. We had to chase her down and distract her while Lee escaped. She took tons of pictures though, and Lee ended up on the front cover of the Quibbler!"

"The what?" Hermione laughed. "That's priceless!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**_"Did you know the Minister of Magic is breeding Slashkilters?" she asked, suddenly serious._**

**_"Oh, really? That's, uh, nice," Fred answered, now out of view of the camera and sounding unaccountably nervous._**

**_"Yes he's breeding them undercover in the Ministry, which he also uses to develop-"_**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The camera suddenly cut out, interrupting her rant.A sigh of relief went up around the room.

"Thank Merlin," Hermione muttered under her breath. "Umgubular Slashkilters, undercover Ministry dealings...first years!"

Harry and Ron both stared at her.

"What?"

"That's just so unlike you, talking about first years like that." Harry finally answered.

"I liked it!" Ron added enthusiastically.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Boys."


	2. Trouble in Paradise?

_Title: WWP Presents: The Heir of Slytherin_

_Author: Evansentranced_

_Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I kneel before JKR's brilliant literary mind :bows reverently: I am not worthy!_

* * *

****

"The Slashkilter goes to class with him..."

The monster sits in back of Professor Flitwick's charms class, propped on one elbow, staring resolutely at Harry, who is trying his best to ignore it. The rest of the class stares between Harry and the Slashkilter, generally confused.

"The Heir eats with his own kind, and his Slashkilter eats at his watering hole with a few chums."

Harry sits at the Gryffindor table during lunch break. Nearby, the Slashkilter has produced a large hole in the middle of the Great Hall and fills it with water from a hose as two other monsters stand guard, growling at passerby. When the hole is filled, all three dangle their feet into it and pull out bagged lunches.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"I was wondering what that was all about!" Ron said. "Hermione kept getting all upset because you guys left it there and a bunch of first years fell in. You're both mad, you know that?"

"Yup!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"The Heir is a wily creature, but apparently not a nice or patient one." There was a definite sulky tone to Fred's voice as movie Harry yelled at the three monsters, indicating to his bag laying on the ground, ripped to shreds. The Slashkilters look very apologetic and chastised.

****

"The Heir of Slytherin has banished his Slashkilters! This is an odd development. Let's get a little closer and see what happens... "

Three sad looking monsters creep after Harry like lost puppy dogs, as sad violin music plays in the background. Luna follows after the whole group stealthily, holding a net.

"The Heir has refused to allow the Slashkilters of Slytherin attend classes with him! ...Perhaps this is an attempt to show dominance!"

More sad music plays as one of the monsters presses his face up the the window in the Transfiguration door, staring at Harry, who looks as though he is trying very hard not to laugh.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"They'd let me in on the joke by this point," Harry whispered, having been unsilenced by Hermione. "Although they didn't tell me exactly what they were planning..."

"Quiet! Silencio!" George shot another silencing spell at him, without ever taking his eyes from the screen, and hit a first year in the next row.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"If there is one thing every sane person knows, it is that you do not mess with Slashkilters. Soon, they turn on their ungrateful master."

All three monsters sit at their watering hole again, whispering conspiratorially. One looks up and nudges the other two, and all three glare openly at the camera.

"As you can see, Slashkilters are quite predatory, and work in groups to capture their prey."

All three slashkilters surround a small Slytherin boy, who squeaks in fear and tries to run away. They pick him up and carry him above their heads to a nearby broom closet, and go inside behind him. Passerby watches in horror as the broom closet shakes violently, and soon the Slytherin walks out, looking triumphant. The Slashkilters follow, looking grouchy and nursing small injuries.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Lee!" Fred hollered. "That was the wrong one! What did you do that for?"

He had to yell over the laughter of the crowd and the Slytherin's cheering. The second year (Morag MacDougal) looked very proud as the Slytherins chanted his name. Harry looked satisfied, and Lee looked embarrassed.

"Ahem...moving on..."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"The Heir is like an overprotective mother..."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Harry sputtered indignantly as the crowd burst out laughing again.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"He realizes that he needs to keep his 'children' out of trouble."

Harry passes by the three Slashkilters, who are standing in the middle of a corridor, looking forlornly at a broken vase on the floor. He sighs and pulls out his wand, muttering 'Reparo'. All three Slashkilters look up at him in wonder and begin frolicking and dancing joyfully. Harry rolls his eyes and walks away.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Hermione stared at the twins. You two are so...abnormal," she remarked.

"Two years! Two years and she only just now realizes it!" Ron sighed. "See what I have to live with? ..._Two _years!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"So when the Heir notices his slashkilters sneaking off to do mischief, he follows."

Angelina stands to leave the Great Hall after dinner, the three slashkilters nudge each other, and Slash kilter # 1 (from now on referred to as 'Bubbles') starts slinking along on the floor, attempting to look like a rug when Angelina glances back to wave at a friend. The other two (now called 'Popcorn' and 'Al') grabbed a nearby small Hufflepuff first year and try to hide behind him as he struggles and squeaks in fear. Harry laughs at something Ron says, the looks up sharply at the three slashkilters, and suddenly looks very shifty. Bubbles, Popcorn and Al exit the Hall after Angelina, and Harry follows soon after, trying to look inconspicuous.

"**Now the Heir of Slytherin must be secretive. You'll see him here sneaking away unnoticed.**"

The scene with Harry leaving the Hall is now shown from a different angle, and its very obvious that everyone in the Hall is staring at him. Dumbledore watches, eyes twinkling, moustache twitching.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Ron turned to Harry, a slightly bemused expression on his face.

"Were you supposed to act so obvious?"

"Hey, I happen to be a great actor, thank you!" he replied trying but failing to look indignant.

"So hey, where were the cameras? I didn't see any that day," Hermione asked curiously.

"Ah, but that is the secret of our special magi-corders!" Fred whispered mysteriously.

"Yes, they have a built in invisibility spell, and you can control them from a distance-" George added.

"-So we could be recording you-"

"-At any moment-"

"-Even right now-"

"And you would have absolutely-"

"-Positively-"

"-No-"

"-Idea!" they finished together, triumphantly. More than one person looked a little more than uncomfortable at this idea.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"Hmm...suspicious. Let's follow at a distance and see what happens."

The camera creeps closer to the doors. Closer, closer, until suddenly there is a cry of "Help! Help! The Heir of Slytherin's got me!" Every student and teacher in the Great Hall sprang out of their seats and raced to the doors, and in the ruckus, the camera is knocked to the floor and the screen goes black.


	3. The End? Not quite

_Title: WWP Presents: The Heir of Slytherin  
Author name: Evansentranced _

_Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended._

_**

* * *

** _

**The camera creeps closer to the doors. Closer, closer, until suddenly there is a cry of "Help! Help! The Heir of Slytherin's got me!" Every student and teacher in the Great Hall sprang out of their seats and raced to the doors, and in the ruckus, the camera is knocked to the floor and the screen goes black.**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Do you _know_ how many galleons it cost to fix that camera?" George said conversationally. "Lucky we had two."

"Where did they get money to fix it? Why is it that they always have money?" Ron asked, his voice filled with irritation.

"If we told you, we'd have to kill you," George cackled wickedly.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**The second camera reaches the door just in time to see the three slashkilters lifting Angelina over their heads and carrying her off down the hall. The view widens to show the large group of students and teachers panicking as Dumbledore looks on in undisguised amusement. Lockhart bounds forward crying, "I'll save her!" and promptly trips over a shoe Angelina lost in the struggle.**

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Most of the crowd (at least the males) laughed uproariously at this. George, still chortling, managed to say "Lucky Dumbledore knew about it all along. Don't know how though..."

Ron stood proudly and addressed the assembled audience. "This proves my theory that Lockhart is a prat!"

"We already knew that, Weasel," Malfoy sneered from his seat in the back row.

"He's right, you know," Harry said apologetically. "I really hate to admit it, but he is."

"Yeah... they should've stalked him instead of Harry," he grumbled darkly. "'Course he probably would have enjoyed all the attention."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"The Heir feels it is his motherly duty-

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

More laughter from the crowd, Harry blushes furiously-

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"- To protect his 'children', and cover up their crime." Harry sidles into view, looking very shifty. He edges into the center of the crowd, attempting to go unnoticed, picks up the shoe and quickly slips it into his pocket. Everyone is now staring at him, and Dumbledore tries to look confused, eyes twinkling, beard twitching. Harry slips off down the hall in pursuit of his slashkilters. The crowd stares after him, dumbfounded, some looking accusing, Draco Malfoy looking angry and jealous.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Told you he'd want people to think it was him," Ron said smugly. Nearby, Ginny had collapsed into nervous giggles.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"And the Heir has learned a valuable lesson: Never ignore your slashkilters. They will eat you or your friends... OR your friends girlfriends."

Angelina lies in the middle of a corridor, covered in 'blood' stains and looking quite dead except for the small grin threatening to break out on her face like a bad case of spots. George kneels over her, sobbing loudly in a vain attempt to cover the laughter in the background. Harry stands nearby looking remorseful as Fred shakes his head sadly.

"Now the slashkilters follow them everywhere, just like before. The Heir seems happy, and we are able to witness a seemingly ritualistic dance created by the monsters."

Camera zooms in on Harry, who has a strained smile on his face and leads a procession down the hall, scepter in hand, singing 'We're Off to See the Wizard' loudly. Three slashkilters follow behind him, frolicking and doing jigs. He stops and glances back uneasily, and Bubbles looks suddenly furious and glares at him menacingly, shaking his fists. Harry looks terrified and continues singing. A large crowd trails behind watching curiously, and Dumbledore lurks in the background once again, watching the group like a parade. Luna follows sneakily at the back, wand out, eyeing the monsters.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Harry, how'd they get you to do that?" Hermione asked curiously. "You didn't look... well, you looked pretty serious."

"Actually 'Mione, I didn't know it was them yet," Harry began embarrassedly. "These three cornered me in their suits and handed me the music and scepter, and I, well, got the idea..." Fred and George had been howling with laughter throughout his speech, and once he finished, Ron joined them.

"Harry, you git!" Ron cried, red in the face from laughing, "Even I wouldn't have done that!"

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"One of his fellows join the dance, and leads the group in a more...food oriented song on the way to the Great Hall."

Ron now leads the procession, glancing back nervously and belting out 'Good Ship Lollypop'. The crowd that follow them laughs and some dance with the monsters.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

It was now Harry's turn to laugh, and Ron turned red, this time with embarrassment.

"W-where did you- when- how did you film that?" he demanded loudly.

"Ron you prat!" Harry howled, leaning on Hermione, practically crying with mirth. "You great prat! Where did you learn to sing like that anyway?" Everyone in the surrounding area hooted and cheered for Ron's brilliant performance. Ron turned purple with embarrassment. Harry looked amused. Fred and George looked chuffed.

Hermione looked alarmed. "Ron, calm down, you look like you'll explode!"

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

****

"And that is a day in the life of the Heir of Slytherin! Join us next time as we follow the dangerous and elusive Giantus Pratus, aka Draco Malfoy!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

There was an angry shout from the back of the hall. It sounded like Malfoy had knocked over several chairs as he struggled to the front and began railing at them.

"YOU WILL NOT BE FOLLOWING ME ABOUT LIKE SOME ANIMAL! MY FATHER WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS! GIANTUS PRATUS INDEED! YOU- "

"Good job on the stunner there, Gin," George congratulated a blushing Ginny Weasley.

"Yeah, amazing for an ickle firstie, you shouldn't learn that till fourth year," Fred added.

"Hmm, say Gin, wanna be a sun?"

"It's a star... oh, never mind," Hermione grumbled as they led Ginny away.

"Hey, there's more!" Angelina sounded surprised. "I thought it was over!"

"Oh, that's just the credits, no big deal," Hermione began, but Lee jumped up nearby looking hurt and said:

"Oh, sure, just the credits, never mind how hard some of us worked on them, lets all just leave, shall we?"

"Ok."

"Ron!"

"Fine, since you obviously worked so hard," he amended with a glance at Hermione.


	4. The End, the credits, the battle

_Summary: The end_

_**

* * *

** _

**Sunning:**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"It's 'starring' you guys," Hermione said exasperatedly. She was ignored. "Oh, never mind."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Fred Weasley - Bubbles -Fred crawls along on floor and acts like a rug** & Narrator **Fred waves at the camera, dressed in his safari outfit._

_George Weasley - Popcorn -George rubs his arm and slinks away from smug Slytherin boy._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"That really did hurt, you know," he said grumpily, glaring at Lee who looked only faintly guilty. "And I'm starting to think _that _wasn't an accident…"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Lee Jordan - Al -Lee dances gleefully around Harry** & Director **Lee sits in a directors chair and gives the camera a thumbs up._

_Albus Dumbledore - Confused Headmaster -Dumbledore watches the slashkilters, feigning confusion._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The crowd in the Great Hall laughed and applauded.

"Hey, how come he gets applause?" George asked sulkily.

"Well," Ginny pointed out, "He _is_ the headmaster. And he's sitting in the back."

"Ooooohhhhhhh…."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Zacharias Smith - Hufflepuff Shield -Small Hufflepuff looks terrified as George holds him above his head._

_Angelina Johnson - Screaming Victim -Angelina screams and flails as the Slashkilters carry her down a hall._

_Gilderoy Lockhart - Incompetent DADA Professor -Lockhart trips over Angelina's shoe and goes sprawling down the hall._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The crowd tittered at Lockharts antics, and his voice could be heard from the back, claiming to have 'taught those boys everything they know' and 'pretended to trip for comedic effect'. Harry and Ron rolled thier eyes in disbelief.

Angelina read her title uncomfortably.

"Do I really have to be called 'screaming victim'?" she asked.

"Ah, yes," Fred said arily. "It adds to the movie's general aura."

"Yeah," George added with a grin. "We have to be careful if we want to win an Academy Award."

"A what?" Ron asked.

"Am American muggle award for movies," Hermione said, "Honestly, you should all take Muggle Studies next year. I am."

"Right," Harry said, grinning, "But I doubt you'll win, after all, anything with Ron's singing in it should be burned!"

Fred and George laughed.

"Don't you mean Percy's?" one asked, grinning.

"Yeah, maybe we should do the next film on him instead of Malfoy over there!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Luna Lovegood - Eccentric Expert -Luna gestulates wildly and rants about Fudge and his heliopaths._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Where did you find her, anyhow?" Hermione asked bemusedly, glancing back at the girl, who looked proud and completely oblivious to the snickers surrounding her.

"Daddy will be so pleased I'm spreading the word about Fudge, he always said-"

"I mean," Hermione whispered, "She's just so… odd."

"Well, apparently she doesn't believe anything unless there's no proof." Fred explained, "That's why it was so easy to convince her."

"Yeah," George said with a grin. "She still thinks Harry has 3 Umgubular Slashkilters! Watch out for her Harry!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Ron Weasley - Terrified Singing Sensation -Ron nervously leads the slashkilters and belts out 'Good Ship'._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Harry burst out laughing again, and Ron blushed to his roots.

"Can't you lot just let it go?" he asked them all pleadingly.

"Not after the way you reacted to mine," Harry said, trying and failing to look serious.

"Sorry," Ron muttered, sinking down in his chair, "Can't even take a joke."

"Hey Fred, George," Hermione asked curiously. "Aren't you supposed to mention Harry at some point?

He's the star, right? You'd think he'd be the first one you mentioned."

"Hey, yeah," Harry said. "Where am I?"

"Yeah," Fred scoffed, "I've seen how muggles do it, most important first and all that rubbish."

"That is _not_ how WWP does things," George said proudly. "We save the best for last, so you don't forget immediately."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Cameramen -_

_Michael Corner_

_Terry Boot_

_Anthony Goldstein_

_Colin Creevey_

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Are you sure it's not just completely random?" Hermione asked.

"You know," Fred said thoughtfully, "I think it is."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Harry Potter - Heir of Slytherin,_

_Boy-Who-Lived,_

_Fantastic singer,_

_Parslemouth extraordinaire,_

_Hairdresser's nightmare,_

_Defender of the little guy,_

_Fighter of evil prats everywhere._

_He must work out or something!_

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Harry was in shock. What had followed was a clip show of sorts. What had started with Harry talking with his friends, leading the slashkilters, and glaring at Draco Malfoy had slowly progressed to Harry brushing his teeth, in the showers after Quidditch practice, and basically not wearing a shirt.

"W-where did you get all that?" he stuttered in outrage. "You three are perverted! And whichever one of you cameramen," he swung round to look at the Ravenclaws and Colin, "took those had better give me the negatives! All of them!" The cameramen shrunk down in their seats and shot accusing looks at Colin, who blushed. Everyone turned to look at him.

"What?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Draco Malfoy - Jealous Prat - __Several clips show Draco watching Harry jealously, Draco looking shifty and sulking around, Draco standing in front of the mirror practicing his 'Evil Glare O' Doom' in different poses._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

There was a cry of outrage and Draco Malfoy stormed to the front, knocking over as many chairs as humanely possible, and began yelling at Fred and George, who were still being glared at by Harry.

"You can't do that to me! Creeps! I demand that you give me this film at once! Potter and I are going to make you pay!"

"Yeah!" Harry yelled angrily.

There was a shocked silence in which Harry and Draco realized what they had just said.

Hermione, Ron and the twins stared at them incredulously. A girl fainted somewhere in the back.

Harry and Draco looked at each other, and slowly backed away and sat in their chairs. The movie continued.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Morag MacDougal - Spunky Slytherin - Morag gets carried off to the broom closet._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Spunky?" The Gryffindors asked disbelievingly.

"Spunky?" Ron asked, laughing.

"Spunky!" The Slytherins asked, furiously. A sixth year shot a spell at the screen. It now read:

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Morag MacDougal - Slytherin Warrior -The clip was now of Morag looking triumphant as the Slashkilters slunk away._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The Slytherins hooted appreciatively and clapped.

"Speech! Speech," they all cried. The second year stood up proudly.

"Augh, we don't want to hear that," Ron moaned.

"I agree completely," Fred said, shooting a discreet silencing spell at MacDougal, who looked suddenly furious.

They laughed until a Slytherin decided it had been George and hexed him.

The uproar that ensued was tremendous. Gryffindors hexed Slytherins, a Hufflepuff got hit, and a few Ravenclaws, until the entire Hall was filled with curses being hurled back and forth.

The teachers tried to restore order, whether they were yelling at the students, shooting off fireworks, or just plain waving their wands and muttering nonsense words. In any case, they weren't effective.

As a result, everyone missed the end of the film…

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The dwarf that had given Harry his valentine marched down the corridor, singing 'His eyes are green as a fresh pickled toad…' at the top of his lungs. He supported one half of a large banner, the slashkilters carrying the other half and dancing gleefully. The banner flashed its message to the Hall: "This has been a production of WWP. WWP may be a sub-corporation of WWW. Some rights reserved. WWP is not responsible for any copyright infringement. The views represented in this film are not necessarily the beliefs of WWP. Any unauthorized distribution, copying, exhibition, replication, display, presentation, or reproduction of this film may be punishable by a small fine and/or life sentence to Azkaban."


End file.
